last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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