Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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