I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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