When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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