its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
