I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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