A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
