I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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