We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
