if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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