Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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