The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
