Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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