Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you win again, gameday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
