Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
