I think my fart just growled at me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
