escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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