Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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