Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
