she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
