I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
