Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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