Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
