apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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