my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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