I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
