I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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