I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
