I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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