Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
