i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
