you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
