I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Randomize
