She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
