also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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