Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
