New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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