she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
