fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize