Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
