I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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