I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize