I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
