3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
grandma shit on top of the toilet
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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