Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
