i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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