Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
