There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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