you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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