are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
