youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
