How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i believe in u and ur pee
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
