3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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