We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
