I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
two words: eviction party
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
