Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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