I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
