I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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