You're my little dorito
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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