I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
