Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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