Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
