wakey wakey hands off snakey
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
