he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
