I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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