does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
