10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
