naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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