People in love make me want to vomit
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
