I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
