For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
