dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
