May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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