i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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