Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
